Posts filed under 'Humor'
Law School Musical
Law school life oh my law school life, dadadadadada…
1 comment December 8th, 2008
Notice to All who are Employed:
EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008
NEW OFFICE POLICY
Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the ‘Chronic Offenders’ category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.
Lunch Break: (Love this one)
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.
The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
Add comment October 18th, 2008
Top 20 SIGNS and Translations
If you are lonely and have just failed English exam…Then this post is for you… I hope this will give you a reason to live and be happy…hahahah! Enjoy!
It goes along with the sign saying, “If you are dead, get to a hospital!”
Mind you…this is hard to eat, it’s harsh!
So make sure you don’t set your honeymoon at China, there will be discriminations when they grow up…
A new and easy way to become a limp…try now!
Oops…watch that smile…
Keep it after using…treasure it…
Waiter…one more BEAR please….oh…make it two, we want to get drunk!
May the pork’s soul rest in peace….poor pork!
Hey, watch out…plan that accident…
I told grandpa to use a protection…tsk..tsk..tsk…
I told you to plan you accident!!! Tarnished head!
Oh…I won’t dare to do so… I PROMISE!!!
This is the favorite hang-out place of my brother…he’s an ex-convict by the way…so please beware…
Ow….i’m touched for the welcome…thank you for the opening!
Illustrations speak a lot…
Don’t get cheated… strangle them first…
I guess they don’t receive much calls, hence, they put up this sign… So go ahead and get in trouble…operators are waiting to assist you…
Press it because you want it…
Today’s people are bad…
After all that I’ve given the corporation…I worked to death for them…and they still keep on demanding for more…huhuhu!
Add comment March 12th, 2008
The Funky USAP scandal
Here’s what happens at the office, when the bossings are not around…[joke...the bossings are also involved in this scandal...hahahaha!]
1 comment January 25th, 2008
Manny Strikes Again
We’ve seen the might of Manny ‘Pacman’ Pacquiao in his fights in the boxing ring. But what’s more interesting is that we’ve seen his power with girls in Ituloy Angsulong Humor 101: Morales TKO due to slow hands, want proof???
Now, here’s another news update as to what Pacquiao has been doing after his lost dream for an elective position. Last December 12, 2007, he was seen partying ‘wildly’ at a Steve Aoki event. (Steve Aoki is a celebrity DJ). He was seen dancing (presumably on a date) with three ladies at that same night. How ‘macho’ and ‘gwapo’ could he be that night!
Lady #1: Well, it surely looks like Jinky, his wife. But howcome there is #2 and #3, during that same night? Hmmm…
Lady #2: Is she a dance instructor of Manny or is she teaching something else? Whatever it is, they must feel comfortable with each other, letting the lady touch Manny’s chest…and where is Lady #1?
Lady #3: Now, here we see another proof of how fast Manny’s hands could be…no wonder he wins a lot of boxing match…and some other match with girls maybe…
Whether the fact that Manny did date 3 ladies at the same night remains a question…he can be SO friendly and that’s the end of the story…otherwise, we can’t blame Jinky for being ’selosa’ or jealous. She definitely has a big fight to win. But so far, she remains to hold the title ‘Wife’, and the favor is with her.
1 comment January 10th, 2008
Bumper-to-bumper accident with a mechanic
While looking for a good image of a mechanic…I crossed over this bumper-to-bumper accident with a unique mechanic, which I want to share with you guys…heheheh…
LESSON: Deflate or take off your own bumpers…when working under the bumpers… ^_^
Add comment November 15th, 2007
One More Chance…
The most awaited come-back movie of the loveteam of John Lloyd Cruz and Bea Alonzo came out last Wednesday, Nov. 14. It was indeed romantic and will completely sweep you off your feet. There was a new story to begin with and a nice turn of events. It was not what I thought of it to be, based from the first time I saw the trailer. In short, my money was worth it!
It is also refreshing to see a new Bea Alonzo on the screen. She is more daring, had better acting, and an improved look. It is refreshing to see the new sexy and modern Bea teamed up with John Lloyd. The story may seem ordinary and like the usual love affair at first glance, but watching the full movie tells otherwise. It is about two friends, turned lovers, together with their ‘Thursday’ barkada. They were supposed to be wed until Basha (Bea) had to make a decision to love herself a little more and to find out ‘what is’, than live the rest of her life with ‘what if’. They both had a tough time dealing with the break up but it all turned out to be good for both of them. They both needed that break to realize things and to find back their real selves.
One thing nice with the movie too is their Thursday barkada, which really gave a good flavor to the story. The movie didn’t just revolved around the two of them, each of their barkada contributed well to make the story a little lighter and funny too. Especially the thin dude, I forgot his name, but he is outstanding in the movie. He made most of the comedy part and really memorable parts too. Also, the blind member of the barkada, who is also the husband of Dimples Romana. The literal, yet comic, interpretation of ‘Love is blind’ also contributed well to remember the movie.
Overall, it was nice, especially if you’ll watch it with a loved one…heheheh….coz it will be fun to live, love, and laugh with a special someone by your side. And most of all, it is great to see your honey/baby/sweety/etc cry for a romantic movie. hahahah…^_^
Here are some lines, you’ll never forget from the movie…
- “Naniniwala ka ba jan?”
- “Ang sakit sakit na!”
- “SA HOTEL!!!??? oops dude sorry, go ahead!”
- “I Love you every day….I hate to see you hurting, coz it hurts me to see you hurt…If only I could take away the hurts….”
Add comment November 14th, 2007
LAWYER STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE AND PROBABLY THE CENTURY.
Charlotte , North Carolina .
A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and
expensive cigars, then insured them against, among
other things, fire.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile
of these great cigars and without yet having made
even his first premium payment on the policy the
lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were
lost “in a series of small fires.”
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the
obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars
in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued and WON!
(Stay with me.)
Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the
insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The
judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a
policy from the company, which it had warranted that
the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would
insure them against fire, without defining what is
considered to be unacceptable “fire” and was
obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal
process, the insurance company accepted the ruling
and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the
cigars lost in the “fires”.
NOW FOR THE BEST PART..
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance
company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from
the previous case being used against him, the lawyer
was convicted of intentionally burning his insured
property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and
a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the First Place
winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
Add comment October 24th, 2007
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