It’s all in the mind…

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Add comment June 12th, 2007

To Go or Not To Go…

Last week, I had a glimpse of what the next four years of my life would be at law school. And it was no damn joke! It was almost hell. I was unfortunate to catch a fever, colds and dry cough, alongside having my dysmennorhea. These are all but just the toppings of the pain I experienced for that week.

It was my testing week if I could survive law school alongside my work. I would normally wake up quarter to five in the morning to prepare for work. Then I would arrive at the office around 6:00 to 6:30 am. I will be out of work within 3:00 to 3:30 pm and I will head on to Rockwell, Makati for school. Intro to Law class starts at 5:00 pm and is supposed to last up to 9:00 pm but we were normally dismissed 9:30 or 10:00 pm. And the journey back home would consume at least one and a half to two hours. I get to sleep around 12 midnight and then wake-up again the next day for work. Barely 5 hours of sleep. And that week, I had terrible sleeping experiences since I would be awake every hour due to cough or to sniff due to colds.

Also, I ‘literally’ had a load of readings for the class. And we have to read or we’ll be dead in class since there is a graded recitation every single day. There’s no excuse for not being able to read…well there is no rule that you can’t attend class without reading…but you’re sure to flunk if you do.

We had to read around 80 cases for that week alone and for the test on the last day of that week. The readings were given just 2 days before the start of classes…and there were even additional readings that we normally get a night before the class.

I was really a “zombie” for that week. And thoughts after thoughts bubbled my mind, especially on the last day of our discussion, just right before the test. I was thinking if I really want to live such a life, if we can even call it a ‘life’. If I am ready for the task and all other sacrifices I must take to pursue such a career or profession.

Law school is really no joke! I never complained, in my entire life, on school work or any tasks handed to me. I may find some things really hard and tiring but never did I doubt my capacity or the worth of my labor because I am naturally tough and even loves challenges. But Law school has almost pulled me to my ends. I almost quit!

But what made me stay? I remember what my friend told me regarding existentialist’s belief in life. Where, “People roll a big stone up a hill to later on let it roll down. After that, they would go down the hill and roll the stone up the hill again.” We labor to exist! We work hard in life without really knowing what reward lies behind. The joy of living is on the pain we undertake each step of the way. For in each step, we further our living. Each step is harder, but it brings us a step closer to the top. It is in hardship that we better ourselves.

And I want to improve myself, that’s why I stayed! As Dean Roy said, “There is no shame in stepping out of the law school”. Yes, not everyone is cut out to become a lawyer. Not everyone can survive it to the end of the race. And we have nothing to be ashamed of if we don’t get it to the finish line, for just being there in the race is prestigious enough. I know of friends who quit from Law school from the very first week of classes. Some quit after a month, a semester, a year, and some are even kicked-out. But I also know of friends who so loved to go to Law school but were not given the chance to do so. Because, truly, the competition in Law school is tough. And even up to now, I am not sure if I can finish the race to the end. But I want to give it a try. For the first time in my educational life, I am not certain if I can make it to the next semester or to the end of the school year. But one thing is for sure, I will give it my very best to finish the race. And I will be glad and proud of up to where I can manage it.

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!

Add comment June 12th, 2007