Archive for April, 2007
English Movies You Should Never Translate to Tagalog
1. black hawk down – ibong maitim sa ibaba
2. dead man’s chest – dodo ng patay
3. i know what you did last summer – uyy… aminin!
4. love, actually – sa totoo lang, pag-ibig
5. million dollar baby – 50 million pisong sanggol (it depends on the
exchange rate of the country)
6. the blair witch project – ang proyekto ng bruhang si blair
7. mary poppins – si mariang may putok
8. snakes on a plane – nag-ahasan sa ere
9. the postman always rings twice – ang kartero kapag dumutdot laging
dalawang beses
10. sum of all fears – takot mo, takot ko, takot nating lahat
11. swordfish – talakitok
12. pretty woman – ganda ng lola mo
13. robin hood, men in tights – si robin hood at ang mga felix bakat
14. four weddings and a funeral – kahit 4 na beses ka pang magpakasal,
mamamatay ka rin
15. the good, the bad and the ugly – ako, ikaw, kayong lahat
16. harry potter and the sorcerer’s stone – adik si harry, tumira ng shabu
17. click – isang pindot ka lang
18. brokeback mountain – may nawasak sa likod ng bundok ng tralala
/bumigay sa bundok
19. the day of the dead – ayaw tumayo (ng mga patay)
20. waterworld – basang-basa
21. there’s something about mary – may kwan sa ano ni maria
22. employee of the month – ang sipsip
23. resident evil – ang biyenan
24. kill bill – kilitiin sa bilbil
25. the grudge – lintik lang ang walang ganti
26. nightmare before christmas – binangungot sa noche buena
27. never been kissed – pangit kasi
28. gone in 60 seconds – 1 round, tulog
29. the fast and the furious – ang bitin, galit
30. too fast, too furious – kapag sobrang bitin, sobrang galit
31. dude, where’s my car – dong, anong level ulit tayo nag-park?
32. beauty and the beast – ang asawa ko at ang nanay nya
33. the lord of the rings – ang alahero
Add comment April 15th, 2007
15 things you don’t know about your penis
By: , Illustrations by:
1. Smoking can shorten your penis by as much as a centimeter. Erections are all about good bloodflow, and lighting up calcifies blood vessels, stifling erectile circulation. So even if you don’t care all that much about your lungs or dying young, spare the li’l guy.
2. Doctors can now grow skin for burn victims using the foreskins of circumcised infants. One foreskin can produce 23,000 square meters, which would be enough to tarp every Major League infield with human flesh.
3. An enlarged prostate gland can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. If you have an unexplained case of either, your doctor’s looking forward to checking your prostate. Even if you’re not.
4. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. Women get 23 seconds. Which means if women were really interested in equality, they’d make sure we have four orgasms for every one of theirs.
5. The oldest known species with a penis is a hard-shelled sea creature called Colymbosathon ecplecticos. That’s Greek for “amazing swimmer with large penis.� Which officially supplants Buck Naked as the best porn name, ever.
6. Circumcised foreskin can be reconstructed. Movable skin on the shaft of the penis is pulled toward the tip and set in place with tape. Later, doctors apply plastic rings, caps, and weights. Years can pass until complete coverage is attained. . . . Okay, we’ll shut up now.
7. Only one man in 400 is flexible enough to give himself oral pleasure. It’s estimated, however, that all 400 have given it their best shot at some point.
8. There are two types of penises. One kind expands and lengthens when becoming erect (a grower). The other appears big most of the time, but doesn’t get much bigger after achieving erection (a shower).
9. An international Men’s Health survey reports that 79 percent of men have growers, 21 percent have showers.
10. German researchers say the average intercourse lasts 2 minutes, 50 seconds, yet women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes, 30 seconds. Are we that good or that bad?
11. Turns out size does matter: The longer your penis, the better “semen displacement� you’ll achieve when having sex with a woman flush with competing sperm. That’s according to researchers at the State University of New York, who used artificial phalluses (ahem) to test the “scooping� mechanism of the penis’s coronal ridge. Next up: curing cancer.
12. The penis that’s been enjoyed by the most women could be that of King Fatefehi of Tonga, who supposedly deflowered 37,800 women between the years 1770 and 1784 — that’s about seven virgins a day. Go ahead, say it: It’s good to be king.
13. Better-looking men may have stronger sperm. Spanish researchers showed women photos of guys who had good, average, and lousy sperm — and told them to pick the handsomest men. The women chose the best sperm producers most often.
14. No brain is necessary for ejaculation. That order comes from the spinal cord. Finding a living vessel for said ejaculation, however, takes hours of careful thought and, often, considerable amounts of alcohol.
15. The most common cause of penile rupture: vigorous masturbation. Some risks are just worth taking.
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Research by the editors of Men’s Health Germany
Add comment April 12th, 2007
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